Ramblings

1. Unicorns. 

2. Getting hit by a car.

3. Mousey girls.

4. Keds.

5. Turtlenecks.

6. Fluorescent lighting.

7. Fooling myself into thinking that I will wake up early and work out.

8. Souvenirs.

9. Emily Dickinson.

10. Empty containers in the fridge. 

11. Chewed pens.

12. Kid who say they want to be marine biologists when they grow up.

13. Honeymoons to Disney World.

14. No pulp.

15. When someone with bad style compliments my clothes.

16. Rock with no rules.

17. Riddles.

18. Scrolling marquee screensavers.

19. Girls with long ribbons in their hair.

20. Setting clocks/watches ahead of the time to be early.

21. Slim Fast.

22. “Fostering a community” dialogue.

23. Witnessing ugly couples make out.

24. Filling out notecards.

25. Spelling thanks as “thanx” or “thx.”

26. People who don’t get dessert and then eat most of mine.

27. People who put 69 or other random numbers in their e-mail addresses.

28. Ass cramps.

29. Braided belts.

30. Caffeine-free Diet Coke.

31. Dirty baseball caps with mascots like “cocks.”

32. America’s Funniest Home Videos.

33. Mullets.

34. Compensating for cheap tippers.

35. That amusement park smell.

36. People who wear sweatpants and makeup.

37. The fact that negative times a negative is a positive.

38. Three’s Company.

39. People who want to be graded for their effort.

40. VIPs.

41. “The more you buy, the more you save!”

42. Novelty ties, hats, and socks.

43. Toenail clippings.

44. Excessive exclamation points!!!!!!

45. Icebreakers.

46. Local news.

47. Notes in different color ink.

48. Ducks.

49. Designer checks.

50. Wisconsin State Journal headlines.

51. Dolphins.

52. Guys who walk around with picks in their hair.

53. People who apply to law school because they don’t know what else to do.

54. Lifetime movies.

55. Bacne.

56. Letting kids win at games.

57. Splash back on the toilet.

58. TV addicts who will watch anything.

59. Dumb statistics.

60. The pronunciation of “wounded.”

61. Blocking the box.

62. Operation.

63. Marie Claire magazine.

64. Beer and fart posters.

65. Phish ramblings.

66. Blanket and generic future goals (i.e., be happy, work with children, travel around the world, get rich).

67. Chicken Soup for the Soul.

68. Rhetoric.

69. Celebrity gossip.

70. Dogs that lick my mouth.

71. The Electric Slide, Macarena, and that Shout dance.

72. Serious topics on talk shows.

73. Scrunchies.

74. Stupid vanity plates.

75. When people mooch extra pizza or fries.

76. Socks and sandals worn together.

77. People who don’t read on their own.

78. Unwarranted standing ovations.

79. Camp songs.

80. Juice from the mustard bottle (mustard pee).

81. Sex with socks on.

82. Big bubbly girly handwriting.

83. Dorito breath.

84. Unclogging a hairy drain.

85. Agreeing to disagree.

86. Snotty people with colds.

87. Sports trivia.

88. A capella groups.

89. Egyptian art.

90. Combos:  Made with Real Cheese.

91. Feet.

92. People who get tattoos or piercings over spring break.

93. People who think cynics are mean.

94. Big, all-white tennis shoes.

95. Christmas bows on car antennas.

96. The word “copacetic.”

97. The word “ostentatious.”

98. Eavesdroppers who join conversations.

99. Big logo clothes.

100. Geo Metro convertibles.

101. Drunken divulgences.

102. Wheel of Fortune.

103. Sheds that look like barns.

104. Walk-a-thons.

105. Christian rap or rock.

106. The Guinness Book of World Records.

107. Child actors.

108. Knife fights.

109. Inspirational quotes.

110. People who can’t count.

111. Body builders.

112. When people argue over who got more drunk the previous night.

113. Middle school kids at the mall.

114. Face painting.

115. Fake accents.

116. Their/they’re/there misuse.

117. TRL.

118. Children throwing tantrums in public places.

119. Remainders in math problems.

120. People who press the already pressed buttons in elevators.

121. Delaware.

122. The Golden Globes.

123. Obsessed fans.

124. Strobe lights.

125. WWJD.

126. Ski lift tickets on clothing and backpacks that are clearly months or years old.

127. People who think everything they say is poignant and insightful.

128. Shoulder pads.

129. Fat Goth chicks.

130. Cabbage.

131. Fundraising campaigns.

132. Twins who get special recognition like they did something important.

133. People who can only be described as being nice.

134. Overuse of the word “theoretically.”

135. When people talk about their close personal friends as if I know who they are talking about.

136. People who park in bike racks incorrectly.

137. Swamp ass.

138. Thongs and buttcracks sticking out of low-rise jeans.

139. The term “low-rise.”

140. Loud mopeds.

141. Bloopers.

142. When people eat just the M&Ms out of trail mix, leaving me with only peanuts and Chex Mix.

143. Drinking out of a straw.

144. White collars or cuffs on blue dress shirts.

145. Hypochondriacs.

146. Starter Jackets.

147. Tags on pillows.

148. Presidential debates.

149. People who make you move out of the way so they can shoot pool in a crowded bar.

150. Unnecessary “quotation” marks.

151. When the plastic ring falls off the milk jug into my glass.

152. Dirty and stretched-out undershirts.

153. Being invited over to someone’s house only to watch television.

154. Picky eaters.

155. Waiting for elevators.

156. Instant Messenger shorthand.

157. That fake shutter sound on digital cameras.

158. Acronyms.

159. Fundamentalists.

160. Excessive channel surfing.

161. My current health insurance plan.

162. Movies about high school.

163. Southern Pride.

164. Ceremonies.

165. Intelligent design.

166. Getting into a car and realizing it has no gas in it.

167. Incomplete lists that I don’t have time to finish right now. 

I give my list of annoyances a score of 167 out of 100,000, since that’s how complete it is.